I’m Cranky…Again.

In which I dispense advice AND self-promote at the same time.

Lest you think, after last week’s column, I’ve gotten all soft and groovy, let me remind you the name of these screeds is Curmudg.

I am fully capable of getting ornery.

If you’ve been around here a while, you may remember my column, I’m Cranky. Consider this the sequel.

Have I done enough self-promoting of my earlier gems? Nope.

Here’s my favorite of all time: Cause My Phone Is Dead.

But more on brand, here’s what’s bugging me today:

USA! USA!
Yes, I’m very happy the U.S. Men’s Hockey team won the gold. Same with the women. Both very exciting games. But the utter contempt for Canada? Sheesh. They’re so nice up there, and their currency is so much prettier. They have Loonies and Toonies (Canadian one and two-dollar coins, respectively). Down here, we’re too smug to allow ourselves to carry around any coins—we just got rid of freakin’ pennies!

I have great respect for all the Olympic athletes. Their dedication, their ferocity, their youth! It’s the folks in the stands—the ‘Mericans—who make me batty. Ugh. The same people who seconds later get sideways and are tearing at each other’s eyeballs over the smallest political comment are waving the stars and stripes and high-fiving like they just accomplished something. The only thing they’ve actually accomplished is spilling beer all over the person in front of them. Probably a beleaguered Canadian.

DOGS.
Yeah, I’ll bet that got your attention. Several people have said to me, “When I die, I want to come back as a dog in Marin County.” Yup. Our dog Peasley’s meals consist of bougie kibble, bougier wet food, fresh chicken, anywhere from three to four powdered supplements, and several pills. Her groomer drives to the house and charges six times what I pay for a haircut. She even saw an ophthalmologist to have a small growth removed from her eye. (When my wife told me about the pending appointment, I pictured the doctor saying to Peasley, “Now tell me the letters in the smallest line you can read.”) There’s an orthopedic surgeon across the Bay. And when a dog needs one knee replaced, he really needs to have the adjacent knee replaced, as I’ve been told. Guess no one could figure out crutches for dogs. And do dogs really have knees? Huh.

And don’t get me started about cats. I’d say something, but I know Jensen’s cat Yoshi reads these columns, and he’s going to be visiting soon. The ire of a scorned cat is not something I need.

BECAUSE IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO TALK ABOUT SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS.

THE BEST: William Shatner as (Will Shat) for Raisin Bran
Funny, makes the point, and sells the product. What a concept! Let’s face it, Raisin Bran isn’t the sexiest product, and being lectured about anything with the word “bran” in it is no fun. And how do you tell people to eat bran so they’ll be more regular? Use a regular guy! And make fun of him, especially when his last name is the reason for using the product. The fact people might not recognize him doesn’t mean anything. “Shat” is “on time!” (Want to know what “on time” actually means? I get into it here.)

THE WORST: Coinbase
They spent $16 million for 60 seconds of what? In the middle of the Super Bowl with Aunt Tillie’s guac dip down my shirt and a few too many beers in my belly I’m going to sit back and listen to a piece of music with the only visuals being words splashing on my screen? It’s the Backstreet Boys, why of course! And I’m going to gaze in anticipation waiting to hear what the commercial is for? Who’s more in love with themselves, Coinbase or their ad agency?

LISTEN UP.
I don’t know what you might know, so this might be superfluous. Bear with me. Has anyone noticed that what qualifies as “news” these days is just a bunch of crap you already agree with? That the goal of “media,” whether old or new, is to get eyeballs? Eyeballs determine what the medium can charge advertisers. That’s the whole business model.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

What’s wrong is the result: a very polarized society. I’ve given up moaning about the state of today’s media. One thing is for sure—there’s no shortage of opinions. We’re going to have to live with it. All of it. We’re not going to change the media landscape. And we’re definitely not going to put away our devices any time soon. Which, as I wrote in an earlier column, Stop the Scroll, Save Your Soul, is probably part of the problem.

If we’re going to break down some of this polarization, if we’re going to take some of the stress out of our lives, we’re gonna have to try something new. For the three of you who began to meditate thanks to my column, OMMMMM, you’re the better for it.

For the rest of you, here’s an idea. It’s called “learning how to listen.” Deeply listen. Yes, I covered this in my runaway best seller, Luck by Design, and for the two of you who purchased it, I’m eternally grateful. For the rest, here’s the CI* version:

• There’s a big difference between hearing and listening. Think on that and spare me the explanation.

• Just assume there’s always more information in front of you than in you. Maybe the person who has a different political point of view might have a different—and perhaps better—spiritual point of view. Or maybe they have a stock tip, or know how to score those great seats to a concert. Dunno. Just spitballing here, but it comes down to this: You don’t know what you don’t know and you won’t learn if you don’t listen.

• Be quiet and pay attention. Think on that and spare me the explanation.

• Allow for space in a conversation. If you’re thinking about your answer or counter to what you’re hearing in a conversation, you’re not listening.

Think I’m the expert? Hardly. Author and leadership expert Simon Sinek puts it better. In “The Art of Listening,” he reminds us that listening isn’t just hearing words—it’s making the other person feel heard. (Thanks to Intern Steve for sharing it with me. I listened, and voila!)

So here’s a radical Curmudg takeaway:

Listen.

Even to the person who annoys you.

Especially to the person who annoys you.

.*Curmudg Intelligence. Who needs the artificial stuff?

TL; DR: Civilization might improve dramatically if people paused long enough to hear the sentence they’re interrupting.

Want more Curmudg between Wednesdays?
Check out Notes—random musings, timely observations, and the occasional revisit of an older column that still feels uncomfortably relevant.